i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
