She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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