The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
