Whats the glycemic index on semen?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
