i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
