They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
