Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
