arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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