It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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