He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
