also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
