well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
