I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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