I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
