ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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