How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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