he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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