the new term for farting is butt boxing.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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