When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Randomize
