i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize