oh god the rape fog is back!
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Randomize
