even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
