I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
