i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I think I won the penis lottery.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
