grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
