I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize