I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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