Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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