It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
