So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
