Why are handjobs necessary in class?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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