ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
