Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
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