I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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