So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Randomize
