I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
