THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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