Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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