Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
