but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
