Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
