You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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