im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Sorry about my life...
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
