Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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