i need an iv and a liver transplant
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
we're so committed to being not committed
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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