Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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