Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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