walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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