Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
