Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
