How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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