Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
