WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
