Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
