Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I am one with the molecules
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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