it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
