I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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