How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
