i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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