omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
