just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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