I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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