I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I want you more than these girls want KFC
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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