just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
