I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
